Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
