my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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