Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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