Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
