Since when is my name a synonym for head?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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