Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
