I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
