I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
