we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
