Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You have to summon your inner elephant
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
