I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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