the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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