I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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