He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
