if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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