My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
