he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
