Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
