I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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