I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
