Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
