why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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