The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
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