the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
