sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
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