I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
