it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
