rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
that is very illegal...i love you.
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