RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
