Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
