I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
