I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
she pinky promised me she was 18
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
