Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
