So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
