your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I think I have vodka in my lungs
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
