In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
