Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
