Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
