she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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