Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
