I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize