I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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