Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
