I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
