I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize