"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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