1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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