hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
