I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
