i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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