i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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