In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
