she woke up with a sticky ear
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
