I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
