capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
