I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
