i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
