she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
These tits shall not be calmed
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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