my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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