I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
