he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize