You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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