Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just took my morning after pill in the library
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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