Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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