We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
