It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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