we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
