Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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