its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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